On a Myer hairdryer:
“Do not use while sleeping.”
(Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap:
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(And that would be how??)
On some frozen dinners:
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(But, it’s just a suggestion).
On Nanna’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
“Do not turn upside down”.
(Well…duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
“Product will be hot after heating”.
(And you thought…??)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
“Do not iron clothes on body.”
(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:
“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (I gotta admit, I’m curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: “Real artificial bacon bits”. (So we don’t get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
I don’t blame the company; I blame the parents for
On a child’s superman costume:
“Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly”.