Death Glares at Twenty Paces

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So, my sister decided to return my camera today, after using it for a week.

Finally, I sat down on my bed and started to relax a bit. I fell asleep and woke up to this death glare from Mickey. Apparently, even though I sleep on it, Mickey lords supreme in the land of bed. Translation: Get off my bed, puny human, before I do something dirty in your shoe.

I swear I love him, I really do. Most of the time.

My camera is a: FinePix S6500fd

Yeah, coz y’all totally knew what that is

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Another Picture of my cat, Mickey

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And so I begin to show you some of the many photo’s of my fat, old, dementia ridden cat, Mickey. So bloody photogenic.

Love ya moggy!

He’s sleeping on my bed, as usual, with his paws under his chin and his head on one side. I took this about a week after I got my new camera, a *get’s up to retrieve camera* *realises sister has taken it*,  okay, scratch that. It looks really fancy, and my sister is currently using it for uni. Damn!

Silly sister!

Recently, I’ve been growing bored

That sentence is one my friends almost never want to hear. It means something bad is going to happen. Usually when I’m bored I’ll drink Iced-Tea and decide on a different way of world domination. But this time I’ve began to wonder (another sure-fire way for world domination plans) about other books I can read. I’ve started this series called Gallagher Girls and I have nothing but streams of high praise for these books. They are amazing. I picked the first one up because of the catchy title ‘I’d Tell You I Love You, But The I’d Have To Kill You’. I thought it would be a nice low level romance, it was so much more. So, I stand before you offering nothing but a title and high praise. Get reading, and if there is ever a book you want me to read (I can read almost anything) tell me.

Also, any of you heard of fan fiction?

If you haven’t, google it and prepare to be amazed.

Search me up in the top right hand corner (be sure to change it to writer buy clicking on’ story’). My pen name is ‘The Skeleton In A Fez’

So I really should be doing my homework, but hey I thought I’d make you laugh instead.

60 OR SO AWESOME WAYS TO MAKE YOUR TEACHER WANNA BACKHAND YOU!!!
1. Walk into the classroom like a super spy. (keep your back on the walls as you walk, point your finger up like a gun, look around with shifty eyes, hum the mission impossible theme, etc.)
2. After everything your teacher says, ask why continuously.
3. If your teacher is yelling at a classmate, wait for them to finish their tantrum then ask” DOES SOMEBODY NEED A HUG??” very loudly.
4. If your teacher starts blowing up at you for saying that, simply reply, “wow I can tell you’re a blast at parties”
5. Sit in a corner and wait for everyone to stare at you. When they do, grab your head and scream “ THE LIGHT! MAKE IT STOP! ARGH IT BURNS!!”
6. Flick pieces of paper around the class.
7. When your teacher tells you to stop, cross your arms and say, “Your racist against paper aren’t you.”
8. Don’t do your Homework.
9. When your teacher asks you why you didn’t do your homework say “I dropped it while beating up this guy for saying you’re the worst teacher ever.” then sit there and smile sweetly.
10. When you have a supply teacher, wait for them to write their name on the board. Then when they say hello my name is Mr./Mrs (insert name here), you stand up and say “PROVE IT!”
11. When your teacher asks why you were late say, “My goldfish died.” Then burst into tears.
12. When handing in your homework, write “This paper will self-destruct in 5 seconds.” at the bottom.
13. When you leave the class bow and say, “May the force be with you, young one.”
14. When the teacher turns the light off, start singing opera as loud as you can. When they turn the light back on, look around pretending to be confused.
15. Whisper to the person next to you. When the teacher comes up behind you, scream “OMG! GET AWAY! RAPE! RAPE! RAPE!!”
16. Walk into class dancing the Macarena
17. Tell your teacher you heard the other teachers talking about him/her in the staff room
18. Raise your hand and say “I totally agree!” after everything your teacher says
19. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
20. Speak in French.
21. Come late to class in a Spider-Man costume; say there was “a disturbance”
22. When they tell someone to turn around have everyone in class do it as well
23. “The homework’s due now? Oh, give me a minute then.”
24. Hand in an essay where every word is misspelt.
25. Run in the room screaming, “THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
26. When the teacher asks you why you are late, say, “The queen is never late, everyone else is simply early.”
27. When a teacher asks you a question, say, “I’m sorry, the brain you tried to reach has been disconnected, please leave me alone or try again later, thank you.”
28. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector, scream “AAH MY EYES!!”
29. Tell yourself knock-knock jokes, then laugh loads.
30. Hide under your desk and yell “THE SKY IS FALLING!”
31. When someone knocks on the door, shout “OH NO, THEY’RE COMING FOR ME!”
32. Bring in a 7th Grader and says he’s your new pet.
33. In your technology lesson, when the teacher asks you what you are making, say a nuclear bomb.
34. When your teacher asks you a question, just stare at them.
35. Constantly talk to yourself in a low voice.
36. Purposely fall off your chair and make a big scene about it.
37. If you’re playing a really boring game, make a big deal if you win.
38. Glue all their scissors together.
39. Make paperclip jewellery. I.e. necklaces, earrings, etc…
40. Pull out one strand of someone’s hair and yell “DNA!”
41. Wear a sticker or a badge that says ‘I am retarded’
42. Talk to a pen.
43. Put your hand up in a test and wait for your teacher to come over. When they whisper what’s wrong, yell “NO I WON’T MAKE OUT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS!”
44. Yell “LIAR!” to everything they say.
45. Smile. All the time.
46. Draw a tiny black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, “It’s spreading, IT’S SPREADING!”
47. When a supply teacher is taking the register, say everyone is missing. Then, if they ask who you are, say ‘Your worst Nightmare’
48. When you know the answer, bounce up and down and go “OOOHH I KNOW THIS!!”
49. When a teacher calls on you say, “I forgot.” To every question she asks.
50. If you have to blow your nose in class, blow your nose to the tune of your favourite song.
51. When the teacher is not facing you, get the whole class to move their desks forward towards the him/her!
52. Hum throughout the lesson, but make sure you do not get caught!
53. When a teacher asks you a question… Reply “ERM, COMPUTER SAYS NOOO!!”
54. When the teacher makes a statement, stand boldly and shout “I OBJECT!!”
55. REPEAT the last word the teacher says but say it much louder!
56. While the teachers back is turned, everyone swaps seats!
57. If you are sure you haven’t passed the test, write your phone number at the end with a heart!
58. When you hear a Police car siren from outside, run around screaming in the classroom shouting “Oh no, they’re here. Oh my god. Shit. Shit. Shit. What do I do? Miss/Sir you have to help me! Oh god. They must have found the body! HELP!”
59. When it’s your turn to answer a question… Shout “NEXT!
60: when she asks you a question answer in a weird voice

I have this rather annoying urge to write

The crackling fire beckoned her in, instantly enveloping her in it’s radiating warmth. Alexa sat on the battered arm chair and only looked up when someone else came to join her.

‘Lovely night, don’t ya think.’ The thick English accent of Barron Hotchcroft Von Hugenstien (because that’s the best name in history) floated through the room towards her. With an angry sigh she turned her head towards him.

‘What do you want?’ She demanded bluntly.

‘What could I possibly ever need in the presence of such beauty.’

‘A punch in the face sounds good.’

Really Dumd Store Lables

On a Myer hairdryer:
“Do not use while sleeping.”
(Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
Chips:
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside.”
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(But, it’s just a suggestion).

On Nanna’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
“Do not turn upside down”.
(Well…duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
“Product will be hot after heating”.
(And you thought…??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
“Do not iron clothes on body.”
(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine:
“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness.” (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only.” (As opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use.” (I gotta admit, I’m curious.)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts.” (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: “Real artificial bacon bits”. (So we don’t get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

I don’t blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child’s superman costume:
“Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly”.